During That Winter Break of High School His Frozen Heart Thawed
by Diokaroka
Summary: An original four chapter story centered around the events taking place in the final winter break of high school. As Yuigahama finds the strength to confess her warm and genuine feelings for Hikigaya, the walls in his mind and around his heart start crumbling. From behind all of his defenses, his true feelings start to surface. The real question is: Will he be able to change?
1. Part 1: A Cold Winter Night

_**"If you stick to your ways, you won't be able to help somebody when you want to most."**_

Hiratsuka-sensei's words from that day after our club meeting several months ago rang in my head as I bolted through the front door towards the school. The roads were covered in snow and ice and even more was piling up thanks to the snowstorm which was raging this December night. The streets were empty. The darkness of the night had slipped in. The street lights, as expected, kept the light present at these later hours, but on this one particular night it felt as if they had taken a page out of my book and simply decided to be lazy - shining at about a portion of their original strength.

Speaking of which, what the hell is wrong with my luck!? Of all of the times to feel the need to act like one of those simpleton main characters out of some cliche light novel, I chose tonight of all nights. The single night in which the streets were heavily piled up with snow. The strong winds and the additional snowfall only made it worse.

Generally, before I do something, I like to prepare and to think things through before I act. I'm not a simple creature who can just jump in and act on the fly, yet here I was doing exactly that. I had stormed out of my comfortable room, within my warm home, in the middle of the night with nothing more then my sweat pants, a short sleeved t-shirt, my winter jacket and my sneakers. Unfortunately, none of these proved to do an adequate job of keeping my feet or body warm in the current weather conditions. Sure as hell, this only proved how unplanned, unthought out or anything but simple my decision had been.

The mad dash had started with a weird text message I received from an anonymous number. The message itself had arrived shortly after I had managed to forget most of my troublesome feelings and worries within that little space existing outside the reaches of time, otherwise know as the bathroom. I had just gotten back to my room and put on my comfortable homey clothes when my phone had started signaling that I had received a message. The sender was listed as "Anonymous", and despite my usual tendency to ignore such messages, curiosity got the better of me.

The message had contained the following text:

_**"Yuigahama is on her way to school. She looks depressed and doesn't look well. She might make a mistake..."**_

Upon reading the word "mistake", I don't know what came over me. I ran downstairs, grabbed my coat, put on my shoes and out into the storm I went. I didn't think twice about it, which is something extremely odd in itself.

Actually, on second thought, it really wasn't, considering the way things had ended between us after the "incident" on Christmas Day.

As a realistic person, I shouldn't be assuming the worst, but a dreadful feeling was welling up inside me. It was formed from a simple deduction of what the "mistake" could possibly entitle - The end result was not a pretty one. During that split second upon reading the word and comprehending it, my calmness shifted into me bursting down the stairs and out the door. It was serious. Serious enough that even I, who'd prefer to let things sort themselves out, ended up pushing myself into action. That would have been all fine if it wasn't for this painful feeling which hit me along with the previously mentioned result - It was fear. I feared the worst because I didn't know how she was coping with the events which played out that night. It was that silence, that lack of knowledge that had set me off the edge.

_**"She is foolish, but she couldn't be that foolish!"**_ I told myself, but I couldn't leave things to possibilities and expectations which have always betrayed me in the past. I had to make sure.

That Christmas day, that simple girl had yet again managed to blow me away with her words. Those horrible cliche words which I'd hoped I'd never have to hear due to the amount of destruction they tended to cause:

**"Hikki...I'm in love with you..."**

With those words, Yuigahama had started her confession at the end of Christmas Day in the caresses of the soft lights and snow. In that one small park located within the Chiba Prefecture, she had decided to unleash the equivalent of an atomic bomb onto my complex, loner mind. The pieces of that Christmas Night had started to fall into place as the veil of illusion I had set up to guard myself from what her invitation actually was, had been dropped.

Yuigahama had decided not to allow me to hide behind my convenient misunderstandings. This had indeed been a date, just like at the fireworks show many months ago. Every since then her feelings had become easier to read. She had been giving me many hints along the way before this announcement. Not just tonight, but in those distant carefree days when she would run after me in those sunset-lit corridors of the school or during those walks back home together down the empty, fall-embraced roads.

No matter how many hints she had given, I had always refused to accept the fact of the matter and simply brushed them off as the same feelings which made me like all those various girls throughout junior high school. Basically, nothing more than delusions. I had told myself that I'd never again lead myself astray by allowing myself to think that a girl might actually be feeling anything more than tolerability towards me, unless I was specifically told otherwise.

Yet there I was being told otherwise and I still couldn't believe it, especially since it was by none other than Yuigahama of all people. After all, things like that were not supposed to happen. Not to me at least.

At times like this, I couldn't help but compare myself to Hayama. As much as I hated his guts and what he stood for, he was what the majority of women in this world would flock to. I, his exact opposite, was what women tried to avoid at all costs. I - being a guy with no redeemable qualities other than being able to survive in my own messed up way in this dog-eat-dog world - was judged by people as being trash for merely understanding and accepting how the world realistically works. I, who exhibited no talents other than managing to make those around myself hate me. I, who stood out with nothing more than that hatred and my dead fish eyes.

Yet there I was being confessed to by Yuigahama, one of those women who had a place in the world from which I was shunned. She, who could have swarms of guys fighting over her affection. She could have chosen anyone else to feel these feelings for and it probably wouldn't have been a worse choice than me.

My thoughts and contemplations at the time had been interrupted as she repeated her previous words and added even more.

**"I love you Hikki! I want you to understand that you do have redeeming qualities!"**

Indeed, she hadn't planned on letting me misunderstand or remain in silence long enough to come up with lies. The words had sounded as if she had read my thoughts and wanted to address some of those concerns of mine. Even so, I couldn't convince myself that they were anything more than empty words.

**"Oh, yeah? And what are these supposed redeeming qualities of mine?"** I had asked in my crude, judgmental voice. At the time, my eyes were shifting all over the place trying to avoid her gaze. I was trying to provoke her into not being able to answer, yet she had met the question head on.

**"You help people and ask for nothing in return, not even a single thank you! You sacrifice yourself and get hurt so others don't have to get hurt! You choose to silently bear the pain of the world so those around you don't get hurt... You are far too kind, Hikki."**

**"Me? Kind?" I had chuckled. "I do that for myself and my own self gratification,"** I'd said with a slightly twisted smile while looking to the side. **"That's just the type of person I am."**

**"Liar!"** she'd shouted out with tear-filled eyes. Her gaze had been fixed on my eyes. The twisted smile on my face had quickly faded into a horrible sense of self-hatred as tears started streaming down her face.

**"You tell yourself that so things are simpler! I've been watching you this whole time... I've watched you fight and struggle against everything on your own. I've seen how you try to convince yourself that this is the way it is, but you are just lying to yourself!"**

My mind went blank. I was like one of those characters in those old soap dramas who had suddenly lost the ability to speak from shock. In my case, I had lost the ability to refuse what was being said.

**"I..."** I was getting ready to make up some sort of excuse, but nothing had come to mind. My empty sentence had quickly been interrupted by her.

**"I may not be the as smart or wise as Yukinoshita, but I want to be the one who saves you! I want to be the one who can bring the warm light back into your cold, dark world... I want to be the one who makes you smile! The one who can make you laugh... The one who you will honestly love..."**

My mind had froze at that moment. I couldn't think. My beating heart had hurt. Her words had hurt in a special way...

Her tear-filled eyes hadn't faltered. They had stared into my widened dead fish eyes and looked as if her gaze was staring right into my soul. I, on the other hand, had stared into something beyond those glistening brown eyes. What I saw was all of the moments we had spent together, all of our words, the gestures, the feelings behind them and how much they meant to her. They were all so genuine. So innocently genuine that they mimicked the innocence of a child. It had made me think back to how much I'd always felt sorry for children because one day, when they learned how cruel the world is, that innocence of theirs would slowly disappear, like it once did with me.

Yet there it was, in her eyes accompanied by a firm resolve. The resolve to nurture and follow through with those genuine feelings of hers. She had followed through with them, trying to tear down barriers which I had put up knowing that no one would get close enough to even try such a feat. I couldn't help but admire her for that, and so much more. She had looked so strong even as the tears streamed down her eyes.

At that point, I had a hard time doing anything. There had been a sudden rattling sound in my head, as though chains were breaking in some faraway distance. And as they had broken one by one, I had felt more and more terrified by what would follow when there was nothing tugging me back.

I had needed to put a stop to it. I had wanted to make it easy on her... easier for myself to deal with all of the complicated feelings which were bubbling up from the dark depths of my heart and swallowing my mind whole. I had to say something...

**"It would have been simpler if you had just left things alone... If you could just pretend that your feelings for me were nothing more than a horrible nightmare, which you could finally awaken from once we graduated and went on our separate ways."** I blurted out.

Right away, a pain sharper than anything before had hit my heart.

**"You love me? If that is so, then you have my condolences..."**

A soft mumble **"Stop..."** had formed in the cold air.

I had to stop. In truth, that hadn't been what I really wanted to say... I didn't want to hurt her...

_-Why are you hurting the ones you love?-_

**"Sorry to tell you this but this isn't a fairy tale where everything will work out like you want it to..."**

_-Why must you always be like this?-_

**"Hikki..."** she had sobbed.** "Please, stop..."**

_-Why won't you change?-_

**"I don't deserve your love."**

_-Why won't you accept people's kindness or affection?-_

At that point I had done what I did best - trample people's feelings and run away like a coward. I'd quickly walked away to the sound of her painful sobs calling out my name.

She had run after me, but slipped and fell into the snow. I hadn't turned back to help. I had been too scared of what might happen if I did. I had known what would happen - I would have broken down and they would be nothing afterwards.

I had increased my tempo as she shouted something out at me. I hadn't been able to make out what it was because at the time the words _**"It would have been so much simpler if I didn't exist"**_ had been ringing in my head along with a mess of other things. With those words, that horrible mistress I had thought I had left behind long ago came knocking at my door. Indeed, despair was back and this time she wanted to swallow me whole.

When I had gotten home, I had been greeted by Komachi's teasing smile as she was most likely going to ask how the "date" had gone. Her smile had quickly faded as she stared into my face. It was replaced by a face of concern.

I must have looked really horrible, because I sure as hell had felt it. I quickly run upstairs and locked myself within the confines of my room trying to calm myself down as best I could. I had managed to drift off into a deep sleep, which I wouldn't have minded if it lasted forever.

The following days, I had been haunted by Yuigahama's words, the strength of her feelings and all of the other scenes which occurred within that small time frame of Christmas Day. Her words of sincerity had rung in my mind, followed by my despicable verbal retorts. Ever since her words had been comprehended by my brain, my mind, heart and soul had come under siege by three different parties: despair, my convictions and Yugihama.

The last time anything like this had happened, I had promised myself to never allow anything of the sort to ever happen again - I was done with love, despair and hating myself. Yet the peace I had made long ago had yet again crumbled. Everything was all mercilessly on the offensive again. Now that I think about it, there never really was any peace, but simply everything had been placed in a controlled, frozen stasis. Now the control had been lost, the ice had melted and the stasis had been lifted. The war inside me had picked up where it had last left off.

And so here I am at the current moment. A complex loner, who had hurt the girl who honestly loved him because he couldn't accept the reality of things. The war was still raging inside me as I tried to concentrate on what I was going to do once I reached to school and Yuigahama. I ran like I was a regular regional cross country marathon champion.

In reality, being the type of person who preferred to focus more on intellectual improvement rather than physical, I found myself breathing quickly like a mad dog after a run in the 40C heats of summer. I could hardly breath properly much less pull my thoughts together about what this dreadful feeling was that had pushed me into going against the norms I established.

Yes, the fear of uncertainty was there along with that of guilt over my previous actions, but there was something more there too. I dreaded the thought of what it might be. Nevertheless, despite the exhaustion, the pain in my lungs and the pinching of the cold winds of this harsh winter night against my exposed face and hands. Despite this, my body stubbornly refused to stop moving. I continued running forward and there was no time to convince myself to stop. I needed to make it on time before that dumb girl did something which would make me loathe myself for the rest of my miserable life.

_**"What happens when you get there?"** _a faint voice asked me as I continued running through the snow filled streets towards the school.

**"I'll stop her from doing something stupid!"** I managed to blurt out between my strong inhales and exhales.

_**"If you stick to your ways, you won't be able to help somebody when you want to most."**_ Hiratsuka-Sensei's words from that day popped up yet again.

In the next instant, I lost my footing. My feet had slipped on something unexpected: ice. I found myself falling at a horrible angle. My lack of luck struck again as my head hit the snowy road unprotected which sent the world around me spinning as I found myself laid out on the street.

My lungs were on fire - I couldn't catch a proper breath like before, but now it felt even worse. My head pulsed as I felt something trickle down the right side of the temple. On the ground before me, I saw red droplets staining the white snow: It was blood. I felt around my head and I found that I had a small gash. It's a rather chilling thing to see your own blood in such an unexpected way, but I found myself surprisingly calm in comparison to before.

The world around me was silent as my body was illuminated by the lazy street light above. Not a soul anywhere nearby. Everyone was in their warm homes enjoying the evening, yet here I was lying on the street, afraid of what might happen if I didn't get things together quickly enough. My vision grew a bit hazy. I found my eyes were coming to a close, and when they finally did, I found myself in darkness. In this darkness, questions started to form.

_**"How will I stop her from doing what I think she is about to do?"**_

The thought of what Hiratsuka-Sensei had told me rang in my head yet again, along with the many other events in which the people around me were trying to make me address my shortcomings and understand my own worth.

What was with these thoughts? This turn of events? Was I going to fail when it counted most?

The question repeated itself:** How will I stop her? How will I save her?**

**"I don't know! I want to help Yuigahama, yet wasn't I the one who brought forth this turn of events? Wasn't I the one who told myself - I'm not allowed to be happy! I'm not allowed to be valued! I'm not allowed to be loved! I'm not allowed to change... Wasn't I!?"**

**"So how could I possibly hope to be able to stop her!? Do I have the right to even show my face in front of here again? Even though her feelings were so warm and genuine, I turned them down in such a despicable way - the way I knew best. That way because I convinced myself of these things. I was and still am scared! Scared to love again! Scared to change!"**

As I was shouting these words in my mind I couldn't also help but think:

Why was it so hard for me to respond to her properly? Have I degraded that much without realizing it myself?

In truth, in that moment on Christmas, between my mind having a meltdown I had felt something real, something genuine. I had been happy to hear those words from her. I was happy to learn how much she cared and the strong resolve which hid behind those words and those beautiful brown eyes of hers. It wasn't only her eyes that were beautiful. She was beautiful in general, not only aesthetically, but as a human being. Why was I realizing this only now? For a supposed intellectual who can read between the lines, I sure am an idiot.

She, in my mind, had always been different from all of the other people around me. I had always wondered in what sort of sense she was different and what this meant for me. I understood now, and because of this understanding, it's even more important that I made it to her on time.

At that moment, it clicked in my head.

My eyes shot open, the darkness of my mind was gone and I was back to the cold, silent world. The winds had died down and it was now simply gently snowing. I picked myself up, managing to get back on my feet. I had found the answer I was looking for. I knew how I was going to make things right; I knew what I wanted to tell her. With that answer came resolve and clarity.

Quickly, I checked the gash on my head which was still bleeding out. It wasn't as bad as Ihad initially thought. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to bleed out 1.5 liters and need an emergency transfusion from such a small gash, but stitches on the other hand might be needed. Nevertheless, it wasn't going to stop me from reaching Yuigahama.

I pulled out a pack of handkerchiefs out from my inner jacket pocket. Komachi has always loved to stick a pack of these in my clothes and this time they will really come in handy. I should consider thanking her when I get home, but that's for later. I'd wasted too much time on the cold ground. I needed to hurry before Yuigahama had the time to do anything stupid. With that, I started running towards the school once more.

Like a bumbling fool, I yelled out, **"Yuigahama! I'll be there soon!"**


	2. Part 2: The Young Man & The Young Boy

To think that I might be in love felt like a cruel joke the universe had decided to play on me for all my cynical beliefs. It's ironic how I tended to make fun of all of those overly-dramatic characters in tv shows, especially when it came to last episode revelations, in which the generic thing to do would be for the main-character to run after the heroine after some important plot point had just occurred. Honestly, I at times felt sick to my stomach at how cliché it was, especially in anime (I'll have you know I have delved into the plain of obscurity otherwise known as anime), yet, here I was, running on down the snowy streets after my own little plot development, panicking to make it on time to some delusions I had created, without proof, was in itself the generic cliché you see so often. Unfortunately, I cannot bring myself to laugh nor feel sick over the irony of the situation. No time really, though I'm sure I'll get back to it a bit later when I'm not busy trying to keep my body moving at a higher than average walk speed while gasping for air like a fish out of water.

After those witty remarks to myself I found my mind going blank for the final kilometer stretch. At the time, I was busy concentrating on my lungs and my legs, both sets of which were working on overtime to compensate for my refusal to slow down or even slightly rest.

The next 7-8 minutes which it took me to cover the distance, made me feel like I had gone through a combination of a Viking's and a runner's hell; By the time I reached the school, I felt a combination of burning pain in my lungs and mouth, the pain of the cold on my face and arms and finally the soreness and cold biting at my feet. To top it all off, I had no time to properly catch my breath. My thoughts came back to me and as soon as I made through the school gate. At this point, all I knew what that I knew nothing (call me Jon Snow). The school yard being pitch black didn't help me properly assess my surroundings. Despite the possibility that the message could have been a joke played on me by someone with a really horrible sense of humor, I felt like I couldn't afford to take chances. Naturally, at this point I decided to once again dig back into the knowledge i'd gained from all of those cliches I'd amused myself with and simply chose to start shouting:

**"Yuigahama!"**

At first my voice was quiet, seeing as I still hadn't been able to properly catch my breath. As I started getting further and further into the dark, snowy school yard, I found my voice gaining power growing ever louder and louder. Despite all of my yelling, I received no reply.  
My eyes at this point had just about gotten accustomed to darkness around me and I started being able to see my surroundings a bit more clearly. There was no sign of life whatsoever within the school yard, or anyway nearby. Despite realising this, I slowly walked to the center of the yard. I couldn't help but feel frustrated at myself – something a self-loving person would never do. I let out one last, unrestrained yell, throwing all the raging emotions into it. I surprised myself how loud I managed to shout out a single name. At this point, the whole thing felt pointless. The fatigued kicked in as my body felt heavy. I spread my arms out to the sides and leaned back, falling into the snow like a child ready to make a snow angel.

At this point, I couldn't help but feel like a special kind of idiot, simply because this was the reality of the situation – There was no Yuigahama here in the middle of a dark school yard on this cold winter night, much less a Yuigahama that might potentially do something along the lines of the horrible things which had been playing out in my mind until just now.  
-She is emotional, but that emotion is backed with a powerful fortitude, which is only further reinforced by her strong and positive outlook on things.-

She would never be emotionally impulsive enough to resort to something like endangering her life over someone, especially over someone like me.

Reflecting on the events which have transpired so far, tonight has been one huge revelation within a small window of time. I realise with my running around like a maniac that I've thought too highly of myself and far too little of her. She was right – I really am an idiot…

So here I am, Hikigaya Hachiman, tired, cold, defeated by my own thoughts and realizations, laying on the snow within a dark and empty school yard as I stare into the night sky. I honestly can't help but feel like this is some form of retribution which one of the many cosmic forces is exerting on me over the way i've chosen to think and act. Or maybe it's because of the judgement and molds I exerted and forced the people around me within for being who they had chosen to be.

Worst of all, I judged them with clouded eyes and biased thoughts – it's nothing new to me, but I have to admit it is unfair. Unfair to them because, at the end of the day, all of my thoughts were a product of weakness and me running away from the person I was when I first learned how cruel and unfair the world could be.

It's rather odd really, I can't help but admire the me of the past – the boy who kept struggling against a cruel, yet beautiful world.

This in itself may seem like a thought out of left field, but it's pretty crazy how much and how drastically we can change over the course of our lives. The Hikigaya Hachiman of today is not the same as yesterday, much less the person I was back when I was still a boy. During this brief spring of my life, aka my first 18 years, I have already changed a good many times. I can only safely say this because enough time has gone by for me to be able to reflect on things in such a philosophical way.

Let me start off by saying this much: I have never really had anyone to look up to, much less refer to someone as "my hero". Despite this, over the course of the last year and a half, I've found myself with a subtle, intimate thought; the sort of thing one should only ever keep to oneself. After every single one of the major events which transpired in which I ended up getting hurt one way or another, I'd often find that when I closed my eyes, I'd be in the dark with a single, bleak light shining down on my existence. The sequence most of the time felt like a dream. Like a dream it never lasted long. It's simply my existence illuminated within a small circle of light within the darkness. Yet, in front of me was a boy sitting in the middle of the circle, hugging his knees, crying over something which no longer mattered. I knew why he was crying - the world was cruel, while he wanted to be kind; he wanted to dream, but kept getting ridiculed for wanting things things so far out of reach; he wanted to fight for things to be genuine, when people were choosing to give up and be fakes…  
The boy promised himself he would fight, so he could become the person he wanted to be – he would fight against the cruel world because he felt he wasn't wrong to want such things.  
I have never had anyone I greatly admired in my life, much less considered my hero, whatever that word means, but the closest thing I've ever had was that boy. I realised it when the sequence occurred for the first. It may sound egotistical but I respected and admired the child I was once upon a time because he was not wrong and because he wanted things which weren't unreasonable. He had strong convictions and ideals and just wanted to be himself during his one life.  
What I looked up to most in him was his strength.  
Unfortunately, he was not strong enough to endure the cruelty of the world. Over time, he endured a great deal of pain, which he refused to show, afraid of his own weakness. In the end it wasn't the world that ended up defeating him, it was none other than he himself. Yes, the boy in me, despite it all, had the conviction to keep on going, but naturally at one point we start growing up. As we grow up, we leave certain important things behind. I ended up leaving behind what made the boy so special - my ideals and my will to fight for them. I sentenced the boy to the illuminated circle in the darkness, because I couldn't bear to see him get hurt and disappointed by the way things would most likely end up. I decided I would never reach my hand out to him, because if I did I might hurt him even more. After all, I was the one who betrayed him.  
I betrayed myself, so I wouldn't continue to get hurt. Everything became simpler from that point on; I became what this cruel, paradox of a world deserved. I became the person the boy fought not to become. Yet, whenever I act accordingly with the way the world works, I ended up getting hurt. Whenever I helped others the most rational way in my mind, I also ended up getting hurt. I'm not as heartless or cold as my facade shows me to be. That's probably the worst part about it, because if I could just grow numb and stop caring altogether I would have been able to save myself the pain of knowing that I achieved nothing by selling myself out. In the end, I couldn't break the cycle and I only ended up betraying myself and the things which I wanted, and still want to this day.

Whenever the dreamlike sequence appears I keep looking at the boy in his pitiful state as he cries his tears. I am the reason for those tears and there is nothing I can say or do to comfort him. I'm pretty sure he hates me for throwing away what he holds dear to change absolutely nothing. Yet, for the first time since it started, tonight of all nights, the sequence just has to be different.  
This time i'm the one sitting in the middle of the circle of light amongst the darkness, hugging my knees. My eyes are cloudy as quiet sobs escaped my mouth. In front of me stands a boy - His eyes aren't those of a dead-fish, instead they have a fortitude and resilience behind them. Despite this, they are red, as if he has been crying for a long time in hopes someone would notice he was still here. Hoping someone might reach out to him.  
Even now, he is on the brink of tears. On his face you can read his pain, because he chooses to relay it to the world, but he also chooses to relay that he doesn't plan to give up - He plans to keep fighting so he can be the person he wants to be. The oddest thing is that he is looking at me without a single shred of negativity much less, hatred. Instead he has a look of solidarity and understanding.

"What a strong boy…" I couldn't help but think.

At this moment, he seems so much taller than me. He feels like the one who's grown up in comparison to me.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..." I couldn't help but want to deeply apologise to the younger me.

"Don't apologise. You did what you thought was right. I'm the one that should apologise for placing this burden on you. I shouldn't have been so stubborn or selfish." he said with a bitter-sweet smile.

"I should have been stronger. Kinder. A bit more trusting..."

I think I could have turned out a better person If I hadn't been so negative.

I think I could have gotten hurt less if I had been a bit more realistic.

Two sides to the same coin. The coin stuck on the border between self-loving and self-loathing which, at times, was far too thin.

Even without words, our feelings were fully understood.

He reached his hand out to me. On his face was a smile containing a bit of hope. I decided to take his hand and get up off of the ground.

We both hated getting hurt. It was only human.

In life people get hurt, but not in the same way and not for the same reasons. There is no perfection or a proper fairness in the world. People will always hurt and get hurt no matter how hard they try to escape the cycle.

I wasn't wrong in the past for wanting to be a better person than I should be, nor am I wrong in the present for wanting to help push people to face their problems. The me of the past and the me of the present – we are both flawed. Nothing is ever ideal. I shouldn't expect anything else.

I admire the ideals and the purity of the boy, while he admires my resolve to keep giving people a push, even if it means I end up getting hurt.

At that point in time I woke up. I had lost my perception of time for who knows how long. I was no longer in any lucid dream, rather I was back in the school-yard. My eyes were still fixed on the night sky as I laid with my back on the snow.  
I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and got up off of the snow. I felt a bit warmer on the inside, though I couldn't say the same for my arms and feet. My mind felt a bit blank, or should I say clear.  
I started making my way towards the entrance gate. I didn't want to dissect the things which happened in the school-yard. There was no need to. Nevertheless, I had some things I still needed to sort out and think over. This night has honestly been a bit overwhelming to say the least. Needless to say, as soon as I regained my mental bearings, Yuigahama popped into my mind. By now it was more than obvious she hadn't been here. This both made me relieved and slightly worried.

"I should hurry home and call her..." I spoke out loud to myself as I headed out of the school gate.

After all, I still needed to make sure she was fine, apologise and given the opportunity, properly address her feelings. I wanted to at least do that much.

Making it out to the street, I started heading back down the road, I had 15 minutes prior, run down like a lunatic. The street lights continued to illuminate the snowy streets. I had only just then had the opportunity to take in the beauty of the contrast of the two.  
Suddenly, a **"Hey Hikki..."** came from behind me.  
I hadn't made too much progress down the street when I heard those words. I turned around to find none other than Yuigahama looking directly at me.


End file.
